A Real Future
by Courtney1214
Summary: Out for a night at Mollys, Severide meets the girl of his dreams and they spend the night together. Will a real relationship finally work out for him? Can he change his ways and stick to one girl? or will lies, jealousy, and a deadly attack keep them apart? *I don't own any characters in this story except my OC! Please read and tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

*BEEP! BEEP!* Why would I buy an alarm clock? Those things are obnoxious. Wait... I don't have an alarm clock… Maybe Shay got one? I decided to open my eyes and tell her to shut it off but when I did I wasn't in my room. or in my house. I looked around to try and figure out where I was, but once I saw the hot girl next to me, the events of the night before came flooding back.

Her name is Katherine Quinn. I met her at Molly's last night then I went with her back to her place and we slept together. It makes sense. Parts of the night were still kinda blurry, but fortunately for me, the sex wasn't. It was pretty unforgettable. Suddenly it dawned on me then that I had to get to work and judging by the alarm clock that I just shut off, she probably did too. I think she said she was a nurse or something?

I started getting dressed but stopped when she rolled over because I could see her face. She had olive skin, full pink lips, wavy brown hair and her thin naked body under her white blankets made me want to climb back in with her and never leave.

Even though she's beautiful, I decided against that since I have to get to work and awkward morning after conversations aren't my best... even though I've had plenty practice with them. I turned around to open the door to leave her bedroom when I hear a voice.  
"Sneaking out huh Kelly?" She says.

I turned around and she was laying in the bed facing me, with a smile on her face that put my fear of having to talk at ease. Maybe a morning after conversation with her wouldn't be so bad? I walked back over and sat on the edge of the bed. She just laid there and looked up at me with her sparkly dark brown eyes waiting for me to respond.

"Well I just have to get to work and I didn't want to wake you" she sat up after I said that, but still kept her body under the blanket... Probably feeling shy since I was now fully clothed and she was not.

"Well thanks, but I would have woken up this early anyways. What time do you have to go to work? Do you want a coffee or breakfast or something? To be honest I don't really have that much experience with stuff like this" She started blushing when she said the last part.

"Well lucky for you I do... And you are not obligated to give me anything" I said trying to make her feel better. It was adorable how nervous she was. I was really trying to not make her uncomfortable. "Well if you want to stay you can, it's really not a problem for me, unless you have somewhere to be" she said shyly. It seemed like she wanted me to stay so here goes nothing I guess.

"Well its 6:30 now and I don't have to be at work until 9:30 so I guess I could stay" I said with a smile. She smiled the same smile she had earlier and I could now notice her straight white teeth and how they seemed to sparkle against her tan skin. She was like something out of my dreams.

"Well alright then" she said before grabbing the pink bathrobe that was on the chair next to her bed and sliding out of bed so that her back was facing me. She probably didn't want me to see her naked again and I tried to respect that. I considered turning around for a second but I didn't since before I could she had her robe on and she was turned around.

She looked at me for a second before she said "okay well let's go in the kitchen and see what I have" before walking out the door so I followed behind her and looked at the rest of her apartment. It mostly white as well, other than her blue living room. All of her furniture was really nice and it looked kind of expensive. She had a view of the whole city out the window in her kitchen. I could picture her drinking her coffee and just gazing out the window which is what we did for the next 2 hours.

We sat and talked and we got to know each other even more and I really started to like her. She was smart and she was funny and she was really easy to talk too. All of the awkwardness from the beginning melted away and we had a really good conversation before I realized I had to leave.

When I got in the car I looked at the clock and saw that I had 45 minutes before I had to be at work. I probably should have been in a hurry but on the drive home I couldn't stop thinking about Katherine. We talked a lot about our lives and something about it makes me feel like this is different from all the other random hook ups I've had.

When I opened the door to my apartment, Shay was already gone and I still had time to get ready. Thank god. I knew she would be asking me questions about where I was and who I was with and I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about Katherine with her yet, since she would make a huge deal about it when there wasn't that much to tell.

Once I was dressed and ready to go, I headed towards the station 51. When I got there, everyone had already arrived and they were spread out across the garage and at the table. I acknowledged everyone's presence and then grabbed an apple and made my way back to my office to take a nap. I was pretty tired from the night before. Surprisingly Shay didn't come right over to me and ask me about last night, but I had a feeling she would later. Right when I was about to fall asleep, someone knocked on the door. I went over to sit in my chair and act like I was doing something just in case it was Bowden... I didn't want him thinking I was tired out.

"Yeah come in" I said loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door. I figured it would be Shay who walked in, but to my surprise when the door opened, it was Casey who stepped in.

"Hey Severide, there is a bunch of kids coming by later for a tour.. And it's your turn to show them around.. Are you okay with that? You look kinda tired" He said casually.

"No I'll do it it's fine" I said since I knew the next question was going to be about last night and I wasn't sure how to handle that. Usually I tell Casey and the guys about my one night stands when they ask but I didn't really want to make it seem that way this time. Katherine deserved more respect than that.

"Okay good... So... what'd you do after I left last night? Shay said you never came home and now your tired and hiding in your office so actually a better question would be who'd you do?" I knew he was gonna say that. But before I could respond the alarm sounded.

***"Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61 house fire at 37 Park avenue"***

"We can talk about it later" I said before both of us left to get ready to go. I was grateful for that excuse to leave because I wasn't sure what to say about the night before, since I wasn't quite sure how I felt.


	2. Chapter 2

When Driving over the firehouse all I can think about is Kelly. He's so sweet and funny and I can't help but be so glad he stayed for coffee this morning. I mean the sex was unbelievable but I think we connected even more just by talking. He's literally perfect... He is unbelievably good lucking and an incredible person. How did he end up in bed with someone like me? 

I really want to spend more time with him and once I was parked outside the firehouse I stayed in the car for a moment longer than I needed to just to think of how lucky it was that he left his wallet at my house and how ridiculously excited I am to have an excuse to come see him. I even got all ready just to come to the firehouse, considering that was the only place I needed to be. I got today and tomorrow off from work at the hospital and I spent all morning after I found his wallet getting ready. I decided on a black leather jacket, a tight white shirt that showed just enough cleavage so it didn't look like I was trying too hard and then black jeans and black boots. I put on enough make up and I added some curls to my already long wavy hair. I looked pretty but not like I spent all morning preparing, even though I did.

I grabbed the wallet got out of the car and started to head inside. When I got inside there were a few guys sitting around a table in the garage playing cards but Kelly wasn't one of them. When I walked closer they didn't seem to notice me so I spoke. 

"Hi I'm here to see Kelly Severide, do any of you know where I can find him?" They all sort of stared at me for a second before one of them spoke. 

"He's in the back in his office; I'll show you where it is. I'm Herman by the way" he said before putting his cards down to get up. The other guys were no longer looking at me, except for two of them.  
"I'm Katherine" 

"Well nice to meet you Katherine. Right this way" he said before starting through the door. We went through a living room type area and a kitchen where there were a few other guys and three girls who all stopped what they were doing to look at me. I smiled, to try and ease the tension but it seemed as if they were all studying me, waiting for me to leave so they could question Herman about who I was. Once we were through there, we headed down a hall way and there were two offices. Herman knocked on one and then I heard Kelly's voice behind the door. "Come in!"

Herman opened the door just enough to poke his head in and said "Severide, you've got yourself a visitor." He then opened the door all the way so that I could see inside. Inside the office were Kelly and another guy, sitting down, clearly in a conversation. He smiled when he saw me. Herman left so I stepped inside. Kelly was the first one to speak "Hey I didn't know you were coming by" but before I could say anything the other guy spoke. 

"Hey I'm Matt it's nice to meet you" he held out his hand. 

"It's nice to meet you too, I'm Katherine" I said before shaking his hand. He then looked at Kelly and smiled before saying "well I'm going to go talk to chief about what we talking about, you stay here" he said to Kelly before quickly heading out the door and shutting it behind him.

I decided to answer Kelly's question. "So I'm not stalking you I swear, you just left your wallet at my house and I figured you would need it" I explained before taking it out of my pocket and putting it on his desk.

"Well thanks and I wouldn't even mind if you were stalking me" he said with a smile. He was flirting with me which was a good sign.

"Good to know" I said before taking a step closer. "You know I had a really good time this morning... And last night" he responded. "Yeah me too" I said.

He stood up then and our faces were centimeters apart. He kept looking from my eyes to my lips so I decided to take control. I put one hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips still tasted like coffee from the morning but I didn't care, it was the same passionate kiss we shared last night. It was like every other kiss I've ever shared with anyone was preparing me for kissing him. He put his hands on my waist and he pulled away for a second to sit down in his chair but he never removed his hands. I got the hint and I put one leg on either side so that I was straddling him. He looked at me for a second before putting his hands on my lower back, pulling me in closer to him and then kissing me. I quickly returned the kiss and put my hands around his neck. We stayed like that for what felt like hours before we heard the door open. 

"Hey Kell-oh my god sorry!" I pulled away at that point, got off of Kelly and stood up and looked at the Blonde girl at the door. I figured that could be Shay, the lesbian roommate he told me about? I'm hoping it was because she was really pretty. She looked from me to Kelly a few times before settling on me and saying "Hi I'm Shay" looks like I was right. 

"I'm Katherine" I said with a smile. No matter how much I smiled though, this was going to be awkward. She looked at Kelly again. "Jones sent me to tell you that lunch was ready... I don't think any of us knew you were busy" she said with a smile before looking back over at me. She's obviously protected over Kelly since they're such good friends and I understood that. He didn't play into it though and just stood up.  
"Yeah alright thanks for telling me I'll be there in a second" he said before walking towards the door and putting his hand on it to close it.  
"I know I gotcha" she said before putting her hands up to walk away. Kelly shut the door and turned around. 

"How bad did that look?" He said with a laugh.  
"Ha not bad at all" I responded "Sorry about that" he said taking a step towards me.  
"It's alright I should probably go you guys have stuff to do" I said starting towards the door. He grabbed my arm before saying "well you could stay for lunch, Jones made enough, and besides I wouldn't mind if you met everybody" he said with that infectious smile. "Okay yeah I'll stay" I responded.

"Are you sure you're okay with it though? Since Shay probably went out there and told everyone she saw us making out in here" I said and he just smiled and then said "Nope I don't care if you don't" 

"Alright then it looks like I'm staying" I said with as much enthusiasm as I could since part of me was afraid of what all his friends would think of me. But hey it's now or never I guess.  
"Awesome" he said and then grabbed my hand and led me into the hallway. Well here goes nothing!


	3. Chapter 3

Usually I would be more annoyed if someone interrupted me when I was with a girl but for some reason this time I didn't seem to mind much. I was kind of excited for her to meet everyone. When we reached the kitchen, everyone was in line getting the food Jones cooked from whatever recipe she could find in Mill's cookbook.

I decided to introduce Katherine then. They all stopped what they were doing when we came in, so grabbing their attention wasn't that hard. "So everyone, this is Katherine and she's going to eat lunch with us today. Katherine you already know Casey Shay and Herman but this is Dawson, Cruz, Mouch, Jones, Otis, and Mills" I said.

"Peter" she said as a smile spread across her face when she made eye contact with Mills.

"Kat! It's been a long time" He said. After the initial surprise, she walked over and said "it's good to see you" before giving him a hug.

"It's good to see you too Kat" he said. Everyone was standing there silently and staring but Katherine played it off like she didn't notice and then walked back over to me and started looking at the food Jones had prepared. They all went back to their conversations then but I could see Mills still had his eyes on her.

Once we were all sitting and eating, Herman was the one to ask what we were all thinking. "So Katherine, how do you and Mills know each other?" She was quiet for a second. 

"Oh we were neighbors when we were kids" she said with a smile. "Yeah we were good friends back then" Peter said. Well alright good. They were just friends. I'm not sure how I would feel if they were like high school sweethearts or anything. 

"After you left for school I guess we lost touch" Peter continued "did you become a nurse like you wanted?" 

"Yeah I'm working at Chicago Med now" she said 

"Well that's good" Peter replied. She just smiled at him and then reached down, grabbed my hand under the table and intertwined her fingers in mine. It feels good to touch her, even if it's just hand holding.

"Well Katherine, I hope you like pasta.. We've been having it a lot lately now that Jones is the new candidate and can't really cook" Herman said loud enough for Jones to hear. 

"Hey! I can cook fine! You guys are all just so picky!" Jones yelled back. 

"Are you kidding! We aren't picky! Mouch would eat anything!" He argued. It got quiet for a second before Mouch let out a burp and said "it's true, I would!" Everyone laughed. 

We talked more after that and I think everyone really likes Katherine. She laughed at everything Mouch and Herman said, she was able to have nerd talk with Otis, and Cruz just got all nervous and smiled whenever she talked to him. She even fit in well with the girls. I had a feeling she would get along with Dawson and Shay. Jones was kind of rude to her, but then again Jones is rude to everybody. Overall though I thought she did well. She acted like she was interested in everything everyone said and she made everyone laugh. But before I knew it, the alarm sounded.

"Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, warehouse fire 76 Medway Drive" everyone got up at that point and said a quick goodbye to Katherine on their way to get ready, leaving me and Katherine alone. 

"I'm so sorry I have to go but you can stay and wait if you want too" I said hopefully. She just smiled. "It's alright I'm lucky I got as much time as I did with you. I'm going to go though because I have to go drop something off at the hospital anyways." 

"Alright well You're still coming over to watch movies with me and Shay tonight right?" I said  
"Yes of course I am!" She said before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now go save the world!" She said lightly pushing me towards the changing room.

"Haha alright well I'll see you later then!" I said before running off to get ready to go.  
"Yes later!" She said before walking out the door.

*3 hours later**  
When we got back from the fire we were all pretty quiet. There was a man who was already dead when we got there and even though there wasn't anything we could have done, it still sucks when there is someone you can't save.

Mouch Herman and Cruz were sitting by the tv and everyone else was at the table when I went over to get a water from the fridge. Shay quickly pulled me into the hallway and I knew that this was going to be the time for her questions. 

"So Severide, sorry I walked in on you earlier with Katherine. What's going on with that? I didn't think you were even looking for a girlfriend after what Renee did" she said quietly. She knew I'd be annoyed if anyone else heard her talk to me about this. I don't need the whole firehouse knowing my person business. 

"It's alright she didn't mind and neither did I. And I wasn't looking for a relationship but now that I met her I think maybe I want one with her" I said.

She just smiled. "Well I definitely approve. She's nice, and she's funny and she's absolutely stunning I'm excited to hangout with her tonight. I know everyone else approves too. So go be happy. You deserve that" she said.

"Thanks Shay." I said and then we both went to go back in the common area with the others, when I heard them talking about Katherine.

"So what'd you guys think of Katherine? I think she's a good fit for Severide, she seems great. Especially after all that Renee drama" Casey said. "Yeah me too, I thought she was really nice and I could totally see us all hanging out with her" Dawson replied.

"I just don't understand how he does it... I mean she's like a model! How does he get a girl like that?" Cruz exclaimed. Everyone laughed. "Well have you seen him?" Jones said. She was clearly implying that I was attractive and I guess I should be flattered but something about Jones makes me not trust her. But me and Shay just stood in the hallway and listened.

"See? I told you everyone liked her!" Shay whispered. "I thought she was kind of full of herself. I don't think she's a good fit for him" Jones continued. I just rolled my eyes. "And who would be a good fit for him? You?" Herman said back. Everyone laughed and even Shay cracked a smile.

I hadn't realized that Jones was trying to make a move on me but now that I think about it, her behavior around me kind of makes sense. I mean she's pretty, and she is the kind of girl I would normally go for but she's a female firefighter and for some reason I'm just not attracted to her. Not in the same way I'm attracted to Katherine. I mean we've barely known each other 24 hours and I already want to spend every second with her and learning everything there is to know about her. But when it comes down to it I guess the only opinion about my relationship that really matters is mine and so far, my opinion is that I'm crazy about her.


	4. Chapter 4

The last 5 weeks were unbelievable. After our day at the firehouse, Kelly and I spend most nights together either out at a bar or a restaurant, or just inside drinking wine. We've been spending most nights at each other's apartments and Shay and I have become close friends as well. It's nice to be able to get to know someone and feel so close to them so fast. Work has been such a struggle since I wake up every morning anticipating seeing Kelly once I'm off. But it's finally Friday night, and we both have the weekend off, and we get to start it off by going out for a party at Molly's. A lot had changed since our first night together at Molly's and I can really see Kelly and I maybe having a real future. But what's worrying me is that we've been hanging out a lot, but we haven't really defined the relationship. Like are we together? Is he my boyfriend? Or do we just hang out and have sex? Is it friends with  
benefits? It's all so complicated. Which is funny because Kelly is so the opposite of complicated. Being around him makes all of my insecurities melt away, even though most of my worries lately have been about him. 

"KNOCK KNOCK" I looked at the clock. 8:00 PM. Right on time. I ran over to the door while putting my other earring in. I quickly looked at myself in the mirror one last time to make sure I looked okay. I decided on a short tight black dress, my black leather jacket, with black boots and black jewelry. It was maybe a little too much black but I liked the way the dress fit and we were going to a bar so what the hell right! 

"Hi" I said after opening the door. "Hi" he said with a smile before stepping inside. I got my earring in and he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss and then pulled out flowers from behind his back. 

"You didn't have to do that" I said before taking the flowers. God, these flowers are nice. "I know but I wanted too" he said. "Well that's very sweet. Come inside I'm just going to go put them in some water." I said before walking through the hallway into the kitchen. Kelly followed and just stood with one hand on the island in my kitchen. Once they were in water and place on the table, I went over and stood in front of kelly. He put his hand on one of my hips and leaned in and gave me another kiss. "Ready to go?" He asked. "Yeah, let's go" I said before grabbing my bag and heading out.

When we got there, Kelly was the first to get out of the car and he came around and opened my door. He's such a gentlemen. He then grabbed my hand like he always does and walked with me into Molly's. When we got there everyone as already there and the place was packed. We found seats at the bar next to Shay and Casey since Dawson was behind the bar with Herman and Otis.

"It's so loud in here!" I said loudly since what looked like a hockey game was on and everyone was talking so loud. "I know!" Shay said. Some firefighter from a different station Kelly and Casey knew came over and started talking about something to do with the firehouse charity ball that was next weekend so me and Shay started having our own conversation.

"So anyways, Me and Dawson were thinking about maybe taking a few days off next week and going up to the lake! It would be just a girl's weekend, and we both decided that we want you to come!" She exclaimed.

"I would love to come! Ha I could use some girl time!" I said. Me Dawson and Shay have gotten really close over the past few weeks. They're some of my best friends right now. "I'm just gonna go use the bathroom! If Kelly asked just tell him I'll be right back!" I said before getting up to go use the bathroom.

When I came back outside, I did not like what I saw. Jones was standing right in front of Kelly and she was obviously flirting with him and he was playing right into it. He did nothing to discourage it, didn't tell her to get away when her face was centimeters away from his. The whole thing was completely ridiculous but the worst part was what was I going to say? Get off my boyfriend? How do I even know that he is my boyfriend? So I just went over and sat down next to Shay and talked to her more about our girl's getaway. Because when Kelly takes me home later, we are finally going to have the talk.


	5. Chapter 5

Katherine was quiet for most of the night and I noticed it and it worried me. So when we got back to her place, I decided to ask her about it. "Is everything okay? You were acting different back there. What happened?" I said.

"Well nothing really. I don't even know if I have a right to be mad" She said before dropping her bag and sitting down on the couch. I sat down next to her.

"What do you mean? What's going on?" I replied.

"Rebecca was all over you tonight and you just let it go. She was whispering in your ear, and flirting with you and hugging you and you just did it right in front of me" She said. I couldn't tell if she was upset or just really annoyed. Some girls get all upset and try and make me feel bad for them or act like everything is okay and then they lash out and do something stupid, but not her. She's being honest with me, and I think she's one of the first girls to ever do that.

"No you misunderstood. Rebecca's dad is the head of the department and he's making Chief let her go so that he can make her work some crappy desk job in her Dad's office. She was just telling me about it and she was really upset so I was trying to be nice" I said.

"Ohhh" She said before looking down at the floor. Wait a minute; I know what's going on.

"Wait a minute… were you jealous?" I said with a smile.

She looked back up at me and then smiled slightly. "No… I mean why would I be jealous? It's not like we are offically a couple."

"Well do you want to be?" I questioned. I guess I forgot to define what we were since I already figured we were together.

"Yeah do you?" She replied. Her eyes got big then and this is one of the only times she has made eye contact with me since we got back here.

"Of course I do. To be honest, I thought we kind of already were" I said. She just smiled at me and then scooted in closer. I put my arm around her and she just rested her head on my shoulder.

"And besides, there is no competition between you and Rebecca or between you and any other girls. You're the only one I want to be with." I said.

"You're the only one I want to be with too" She replied. I kissed her on the head.

Well I might as well just lay it all out there now. "Katherine I'm in love with you. And I know we've only known each other for a short period of time, but I see firsthand everyday that life doesn't wait for anybody and it can be over in an instant and I don't know how long I'm going to be here so I can't go another day without you knowing how I feel. I know that love doesn't always last and that me saying this right now might freak you out but I don't care because I've been holding it in since that morning we woke up together and I can't hold it back anymore because I've never felt this way about anyone else and now that I've said it, I don't want to stop" I said. I wasn't lying when I said I'd been holding this in. I really have. I thought I was in love before this but I don't really think I was. This is the most real thing I've ever felt in my entire life. She makes me feel alive and I don't ever want to stop feeling this way. I just hope she feels the same.

She sat up to look at me and she just looked me in the eyes for a second and then leaned in and kissed me. It took me a second to kiss her back since my heart is beating a mile a minute and I'm freaking out because she hasn't said anything yet but once I started to kiss her back, she pulled away and looked at me again.

"I love you too and I've felt it since that morning five weeks ago and now that I've experienced this kind of love it makes me feel stupid to think that I've survived this long never feeling this way. I agree that five weeks isn't that long and at first it scared me that we fell in love this fast but you're right, life waits for no one and at this point loving you is as natural to me as breathing and right now, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to stop" she said.

I leaned down and I kissed her passionately when all of a sudden she stood up and grabbed my hand and pulled me to her bedroom. She has done this countless times before but it was different this time. This time it wasn't just sex. This time we made love, in every sense of the word.


	6. Chapter 6

I was asleep in my bed until I woke up and realized that Kelly was no longer in bed with me and I heard him on the phone. When I got up to go see what was going on, he was sitting at the island with a blank expression.  
"Kelly" I said before putting my hands around his neck and hugging him from behind. "Come back to bed it's still so early" I pleaded. He didn't even move. I let go and went and stood on the other side of the island so that I could face him and he was still expressionless.

Was he having second thoughts about last night? I mean I thought everything was going well but just like Kelly said, life can change so much in a short amount of time. But was 8 hours long enough for him to realize he made a mistake in telling me he loved me? That couldn't be it. Or at least I hoped it wasn't it. 

"Kelly" I said quietly. He still didn't move. "Kelly" I said a little louder. He slowly looked up at me and he was as white as a sheet. "Kelly what's wrong? What happened?" I said going over to him. He turned his chair and he put one hand around my waist. He looked up at me and then looked away again and whispered "She killed herself" so quietly that I wasn't sure that was what he said.

"What do you mean? Who killed herself?" I said quietly. I began frantically racking my brain for an idea of someone who seemed depressed or suicidal but I couldn't think of anything.

"Jones" he whispered. "Jones killed herself." He said louder now. I could tell he was trying to be strong but the mix of fear and guilt on his face helped me to see straight through the wall he was putting up. "She left a note for me. That was the police who just called. She left a note for me" He said finally looking me in the eyes. 

"Oh Kelly" I said before taking him in my arms. There were tears in his eyes but not streaming down his face. He just looked lost. It's like I've seen him happy and I've seen him mad but I've never seen him experience grief. We both see death every single day and death of a person you don't know personally is hard enough, but death of someone you do know is a whole different thing. And I just can't believe it was a suicide. I watch sick people every day struggle and fight for their lives and they fight till their last dying breathe but taking your own life, and feeling like you have no reason to fight and survive is so sad and it brings the people around a whole new level of grief and guilt that I'm not sure I know how to feel. I was complaining about her being all over Kelly and now she's gone. Just like that. And I can tell it's already ripping Kelly apart.

I let go and I grabbed his hand and led him over to the coach. "What can I do to help you? What do you need? I'm so sorry" I decided to say since I didn't know what else to say. "I just wish we could have done something. I mean Casey chief and I tried to reason with her father and we tried to stand by her but he wouldn't budge so we just let it go" he said as the tears began down his face. "We should have kept going and we should have fought for her. I mean why wouldn't we? She was a good firefighter. And she was kind of rude and had boundary issues but she was a nice person. Why were we so hard on her? Us being hard on her probably made her hard on herself" he cried before getting up to go stand at the window. Once I got off the coach and went over I said" this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself she wouldn't have wanted that for you" I trying to be as confident as I could. Kelly just put his face in his hands and then looked back up at me. "I don't understand why she did what she did but I really just don't understand why she would leave me a note. Like why me?" He said before turning to look straight ahead. To be completely honest I was asking myself the same thing. Why Kelly?


	7. Chapter 7

Walking out of the police station with the envelope in my hand was completely surreal. I got into my car to head home and I wasn't even sure what was going on. I was stone cold sober but it felt like I was drunk. Why would she leave this to me? We were barely friends. I mean Rebecca was dying and she knew it and the only person she wanted to read her last words was me. What if she tells me something terrible? What if she says she did this because of me? I'm not sure I can handle this. I don't really remember much about the drive home, but before I knew it I was sitting on the couch in my living room with the envelope in my hands.

Shay had gone out with Casey for something and Katherine was working so I had the whole place to myself to read this note and to react to whatever it said. I sat there and stared at it and after what felt hours of just sitting and thinking, I began to open the envelope. My hands were shaking but after a few minutes I managed to rip it open. I didn't take the piece of paper out yet though. I couldn't. I don't have to read this. I could just throw it away or hide it or save it and I could just let it go. I don't need to do this.

But I should do this. I watched hundreds of people grieve for her at her funeral yesterday. Her family, her friends, and her brothers. They are all in so much pain and they don't even know why she did this. I don't think I could live with that if it was me. I guess it's time for me to do it. I need to do this so that I can know for them. Alright, here it goes. I opened up the paper and it read:

You deserve more.

Behind the note were several photos of Katherine and Mills. Some when they were kids and then others that was more recent, maybe 5 years ago? They were kissing and hugging and in one, she was wearing an engagement ring. Wow, so much for being just "neighbors when they were kids." How could she lie to me like that? We were supposed to be in love. I mean she was going to marry mills and spend the rest of her life with him. Why hasn't Peter said anything or hit me or done something? I guess he's really not to blame though. He was probably just keeping Katherine's secret.

It feels like she had a whole other life that I know nothing about. I don't really know her at all. I was planning a future with her and 5 years ago Mills was doing the same thing. With my girl. Or his girl? I mean she was his first I guess. I don't know. I need a drink.

When I got down to the bar all I could think about was the fact that I needed a drink. And I needed it desperately. The alcohol should take the pain away. So I drank. And drank. And drank.

I must have blacked out for a little bit because when I woke up, some girl was on top of me with her tongue was down my throat. This is so wrong but what am I gonna do? She lied to me. The only girl I've ever really loved lied straight to my face. So I decided to kiss her back. Kiss some mini skirt wearing girl with tequila on her breathe who was probably just as drunk as I was.

I forgot about Katherine, about our relationship, about my feelings, about everything. I let my body take over and I blocked out the world. I wasn't pulled back to reality until Casey and Dawson pulled her off of me.


	8. Chapter 8

This is going to be so fun!" Shay exclaimed when she got in the car. Shay Dawson and I were finally taking that girl's weekend we've been talking about. I wasn't really feeling the excitement but they both seemed to a little over enthusiastic. They both said how much they needed it, and how they wanted to escape from work and stress but for some reason I felt like there is more to the story. Like there is something else I should know about.

It's been 2 weeks since Jones' funeral and I've seen Kelly twice since then. He doesn't answer my calls or texts and when I try to see him he just says that he's busy. I know she left a note for him but what could it have said? And why did he feel like he couldn't talk to me about it? I know he's having a hard time and I don't want him to have to all of or by himself. I mean we're together; we should be able to tell each other about our problems and feelings and work through them together. But Kelly was completely refusing that.

Maybe I can ask the girls what they think. They're with him every day so maybe they've noticed something. It took 2 hours to get to the cabin we were staying at, and we talked and laughed the whole way there. But every time Kelly came up in conversation they quickly changed the subject. I mean Casey and Dawson were getting married and I knew that she was going to want to talk about how excited she was and what it was going to be like but there is definitely more that is going on. Later that night, when we were sitting by the fire with a bottle of wine and we were all a little drunk, I decided to try again. 

"So guys have you noticed anything weird going on with Kelly? I know Jones left him that note, but he won't tell me what he said. I'm trying to give him time to deal with it and I know that if he wanted to talk that he would but I feel like he's pushing me away and if I don't do something about it then our whole relationship is going to fall apart" I said quickly before anyone could interrupt. They looked at each other and then looked at me and then looked back at each other. 

"Can we please just say it? If it was me I would want to know" Dawson said to Shay.  
"What it is?" I said starting to get annoyed. They've been keeping whatever this is that they're talking about a secret from me the entire time. 

"Alright fine you can tell her. They'll both be better of if she knows... But you say it, cause he'd kill me if I was the one who did the telling" Shay said. "Can one of you please just say what it is?" I said a little louder. Whatever it is I can handle it. 

"So you know how Rebecca left him a note? Well it wasn't a goodbye letter or a letter telling why she did what she did. It was information" Shay said before scooting over to sit right next to me on the floor.  
"What kind of information?" I said quietly now. I was starting to get nervous."Dawson you say it" Shay replied. 

"The information was about you. Somehow she got photos of you and Peter Mills together and Kelly figured out that you guys were supposed to get married and he freaked out because you lied to him" Dawson said. It was true. I had lied. I didn't want him to know about Peter because I thought it would ruin what we have. But I guess now by not telling him, I've ruined it already. 

"But that's not really the part that's going to hurt you the most.. Kelly doesn't really handle his emotions very well and when he found out he went off the rails. Casey and I found him at a dive bar on the other side of the city... Making out with another girl." She whispered the last part. I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes but I couldn't cry. I didn't have the right to cry. I didn't tell him about my relationship with Peter because he and I are friends now and I didn't want to cause problems by bringing up the past. And then he went out and cheated.

We were all quiet for a few minutes. Both of them were looking at me but I was doing everything I could not to make eye contact with either of them because if I did I knew I would lose it. They were waiting for me to say something but I said nothing. Instead I got up and walked the kitchen and put my hands over my eyes.

I sat down on the counter and then they both walked in. I broke down then. Shay came over and hugged me and let me cry into her chest. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to make problems. I was going to tell him I swear. Oh this is my entire fault. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I'm crying I did this!" I yelled.

"You're right about one thing. You shouldn't be crying right now. I understand why he's mad because like I get it, you should have just told him the truth but you know what! He should have just told you the truth and you guys could have talked about it. But instead he went out and got drunk and he messed up. And that's on him. Not on you" Dawson said.  
"Yeah. This isn't only your fault" Shay agreed. "Would you guys kill me if i left early and I took the train back to Chicago to talk to Kelly?" I asked while wiping my eyes. They were right. I told a lie of omission that we could have worked through. I had a perfectly good reason for it too that I plan on telling Kelly. But he cheated and now I'm not quite sure where we stand.


	9. Chapter 9

I opened the bar door at Molly's and it was packed. There were a bunch of people there but I could still see him. Still see Peter in the back with Cruz Casey and Herman drinking their beers. I ordered a shot from the girl tending bar that night even though I was already drunk when I walked through the door. I've been drinking all day.

Katherine lied to me and instead of going to talk to her about it, I went and cheated. God knows how many girls I made out with that night, I don't even remember. Now I can't even focus on anything else but that. Sadness, Jealousy, and whiskey were the only things running through my body at this point and they're all blending into one emotion. Rage. And I plan on getting rid of that Rage.

I stumbled to the back of the bar ignoring the greetings I was getting along the way and marched right over to Peter. "Oh hey Severide do you wan-" I punched him straight in the jaw before he could even get the rest of that sentence out. Peter fell to floor.

"What the hell man! What's going on? I didn't do anything!" He said looking seriously offended. Mills is not the pissed off type but he was obviously as to why I just punched him in the face. I know he would rather work it out with words than with violence. Unfortunately for him, I didn't care.

"How could you do that to me? I thought we were friends! You couldn't have told me that my girlfriend is your ex fiancée! What? Did you have plans to get her back! Is that why you ask about her all the time? You son of a bitch!" I yelled before hitting him again. This time he hit me back before yelling "You have no idea what your talking about! You're drunk and pissed off! Calm down okay Severide? Just listen to me!" But I was so not listening.

I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. So I tackled him to the floor. "Come on Mills just admit! You've been lying to my face for months you little prick!" I yelled. "No stop!" He kept yelling. "What you're not even going to fight back?! You can fight fires but you would wanna fight me?!" I yelled. Some of the guys broke it up then but I got some pretty good swings in before they pulled me off. I don't know how I was even able to fight I was all over the place.

I can't even believe I could stand up. My head was so fuzzy I could barely even see Mills. And I definitely wasn't listening to whatever bullshit story he had to say. Mills was still trying to explain himself the entire time I was hitting him but By the time we were done his nose was bleeding and he had bruises all over his face. There was also blood dripping from a cut that stretched from his hair line all the way down his forehead. If I could do that much damage drunk, I can't even imagine how much I could do sober.

"Alright Severide listen to me" he said Hermann Casey and Cruz held me back. "I wasn't engaged to her. She was engaged to another guy and she had an affair with me. She was just out of college and she wasn't ready for marriage yet but she didn't have the heart to tell him. You know how she is. We'd been friends for a long time and I guess we had some unresolved feelings. But that's over now. We swore we'd never speak of it again and that's why we both didn't tell you. She loves you man, not me. She was never my fiancée" he said quickly.

"What" I replied as I stopped trying to fight my way from the guys holding me back. But before Mills could even respond, the third party had finally arrived. "Kelly what the hell happened? What did you do?!" She said before sitting Mills down and grabbing a Cloth to wipe the blood off his face. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she would try and help. I mean she was a nurse. 

"I misunderstood the situation I'm sorry we should have just talked about this I'm sorry" I kept saying. "No you're just drunk" she snapped back. "I don't even know how to talk do you when you're like this!"

I quickly remembered her intolerance for people who react violently to alcohol as she told me she experienced it a few times as a child. I'm such an ass. The whole room began to spin and I was feeling extremely nauseous.

I tried to walk over to her and stumbled and fell on the floor in front of everyone. The entire bar was quiet at that point, obviously wanting to see the aftermath of the fight. She left Peters side and kneeled down next to me. "I came back here to tell you what happened with me and Peter and to tell you that it was okay that you cheated. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, I wanted to be together with you again. But now I'm not so sure."

She spoke calmly and without emotion. When she stood up to walk away I grabbed her arm. "No Kat wait..." I whispered. I was beginning to get tired and i thought I was going to die right then and there. She shook my hand away and stood up. As I was about to pass out I heard her say quietly "just stop. Just please stop. I'm not doing this with you." 


End file.
